Finished watching the experience that is Death Parade.
And as I’m in a very bad time in my head and life, I can say my new mantra is;
If I kill myself I’ll regret it
Because nothing really matters, as long as we’re living. We have potential.
To grow, to forgive, to let go, to revise.
It’s painful .Everything hurts even though we walk through life pretending it doesn’t .
We’re alive to experience.
Darkness is in all our souls, it eats us away under pressure and that’s a fact of life.
Everyone has the potential to be evil or good and we all experience ourselves as both everyday. No one is thoroughly bad as no one is thoroughly good.
Even though some are put at advantages and disadvantages one thing is fair- that life is unfair. Because it is a random occurence, and thats what makes it fair.
If I killed myself and woke up to judgement I would surely regret killing off my potential. So I can live with ones I love hating me. Because at least it isn’t the pain of me dead.
I stay awake at night suffering and tormented by my own idea of self-inflicted torture. Because I punish myself for a random occurance and a bad card dealt. I hate the feeling so I become obsessively proactive and plan my next move even though its what I want.
But I can only understand myself.
And the only frame of reference I have is what I know and what I’ve experienced.
So it will have to do.
And I wait, knowing hope is getting further and further away from me. And I become more and more filled with dread everyday.
But that just means I make my plans even more resilient.
You can’t forgive and apologize if you’re dead.
And as I’m in a very bad time in my head and life, I can say my new mantra is;
If I kill myself I’ll regret it
Because nothing really matters, as long as we’re living. We have potential.
To grow, to forgive, to let go, to revise.
It’s painful .Everything hurts even though we walk through life pretending it doesn’t .
We’re alive to experience.
Darkness is in all our souls, it eats us away under pressure and that’s a fact of life.
Everyone has the potential to be evil or good and we all experience ourselves as both everyday. No one is thoroughly bad as no one is thoroughly good.
Even though some are put at advantages and disadvantages one thing is fair- that life is unfair. Because it is a random occurence, and thats what makes it fair.
If I killed myself and woke up to judgement I would surely regret killing off my potential. So I can live with ones I love hating me. Because at least it isn’t the pain of me dead.
I stay awake at night suffering and tormented by my own idea of self-inflicted torture. Because I punish myself for a random occurance and a bad card dealt. I hate the feeling so I become obsessively proactive and plan my next move even though its what I want.
But I can only understand myself.
And the only frame of reference I have is what I know and what I’ve experienced.
So it will have to do.
And I wait, knowing hope is getting further and further away from me. And I become more and more filled with dread everyday.
But that just means I make my plans even more resilient.
You can’t forgive and apologize if you’re dead.